I have been wondering whether or not to disclose the purchase price of the cabin. I asked a friend for advice.

She asked me why I felt it was necessary.

Why indeed.

Seeking counsel often does not mean being told the answer. Being asked the right question is far more useful.

Thank goodness for smart friends.

Her question made me reflect: Why was mentioning the purchase price important? What purpose would it serve? I slowly found my way to the answer and was surprised it hadn’t dawned on me earlier.

This is why the purchase price is important to me: It equaled the amount I had amassed five years earlier when I first began my journey into self-directed investing.

I am where I am now, and writing a blog about a cabin, because of those first investments.

In order for me to talk about that, I have to discuss something that makes me want to conjure up my inner Ostrich, bury my head in the sand and offer a muffled, “All good here!”

We sometimes have to fight the urge to allow our feathered-friends to control the show.

The Ugly Truth

My journey into the world of investing started with a painful realization that I had a pretty shitty relationship with the concepts of money, survival and abundance. I will provide a little generalized context: our upbringing and generational influences created certain belief systems about money (never discussed), how it was earned (with hard, sacrificing work), and how it was spent (on needs not wants).

I am not sorry for these lessons taught by hard-working, honest people – they taught my sister and I self-reliance, independence, and a good work ethic that should always serve the greater good. Our father is a give-the-shirt-off-his-back-even-if-it-means-he’s-naked kind of guy. We have counselled him not to give away his pants. Generosity is a good thing but within reason.

Here is what my psyche did with those important life-skills taught in my early years: it created a perfect storm of fear, worry and anxiety surrounding all things money and survival. Those emotions stemmed from a perspective of scarcity: there wasn’t enough to go around, would never be enough, and survival was a precarious tightrope shuffle. One wrong step and I would plummet to ruination.

While these emotions fueled a desire to work hard and serve others, my focus on scarcity instead of sufficiency distorted my view on wealth.

Money turned out to be an excellent teacher for me (still learning, folks).

Ostrich Starts to Free Head from Sand

Around 2014, I started reading everything I could get my hands on about money and investing. What propelled this desire? For the sake of brevity, let’s call it Divine Intervention. I discovered two books that were serious game changers for me.

The first was It’s Not About the Money by Brent Kessel. Kessel’s teachings combine financial thinking with ancient spiritual teachings. It was unlike any other personal finance book I had read, and helped me to understand and make peace with my relationship with money. I still struggle, and fear, worry and anxiety still emerge, but I am far better at recognizing what is happening.

The second was Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin. Oh my goodness. This one blew my little mind. Here’s a thought-provoking gem:

“Money is something we choose to trade our life energy for…our life energy is our allotment of time here on Earth, the hours of precious life available to us. Life energy is all we have. It is precious and finite, limited and irretrievable; Our choices about how we use it express the meaning and purpose of our time here on Earth.”

This book was a major catalyst for the changes I made later in 2019 when I left full-time teaching. It wasn’t the only reason I did so, but it had a profound influence on how I viewed work, survival and quality of life.

Mr. Bow Tie

Oh, the people we meet along our journey. Some teach us lessons in kind, fun ways. Others make us want to strangle them at the time, but later admit that they were also some pretty fine teachers.

Enter Mr. Bow Tie. He was a financial advisor at the local bank where I held some savings within a “balanced fund” in an RRSP. As I was increasing my financial literacy, I made an appointment to meet with a financial advisor to ask some questions. I wanted to know why the bank charged the fees they did, for something that I could purchase myself in the form of an ETF for far less. (if you want to know more about ETFs: check out The Millionaire Teacher by Andrew Hallam, or Canadian Couch Potato.

The financial advisor I initially met with was receptive and professional but unable to answer one of my questions. She left, and came back with a dapperly-dressed man. He parked himself inches from me, leaned against her desk, legs crossed and arms folded, and smirked: “So what’s all this about ETFs?” (those were the days when we could still read emotion in the entire face. Now contempt is all in the eyes).

Sure, I was a neophyte and my account was small, but my questions were legitimate and there was no reason to treat me like a turd on the sole of his polished leather shoe.

I could hear my father’s voice in my head mutter, “this guy is a total asshole” and mother’s voice admonish, “get up out of that chair this instant and walk out of there!”

That afternoon, still seething, I opened my first Questrade account, started the process of moving my little bit of money. It would still be in an RRSP, but this time, I would be making the decisions on how it would be invested. For far fewer fees.

And with that action, I bid adieu to the bank, Mr. Bow Tie and have never looked back. Until now:

Mr. Bow Tie, thank you for the rage you evoked. It was a great catalyst for action and change.

Nobody cares more about your money than you do. Especially not the guy in the bow tie.

Is there anything wrong with investing within bank-held funds? Absolutely not. It was an important part of my journey to address my inherent fears and take control through self-directed investing.

This was back in 2015 and I have continued my education in investing both in stocks and real estate. I am grateful for this first “practice” as it prepared me for what I would do in 2019: Take out and assume control of my pension. This put my prior work of addressing my emotional relationship to money AND my investing skills, to the ultimate test. Still does.

The Bottom Line

Delving into the messy side of my beliefs surrounding money and taking control of my investments heralded a new era for me. It has been liberating and empowering.

Little did I know my long-held dream to have a cabin in the woods was waiting for me five years later.

My friend was correct: the WHY was far more important than the WHAT: that little amount used for my first foray into the world of investing grew to the amount needed to buy the cabin. In looking over all of the data, I would not have made those returns if I had kept my bank-held fund.

Take that, Mr. Bow Tie.