A few years ago, I embarked on an ambitious journey to become an Acupuncturist. Having enjoyed the healing effects of the magic needles firsthand, I thought it would be perfect for body and soul to pursue certification and work as a practitioner. This would also allow me to leave teaching (health warning signs were flashing daily) and pivot to a new career.

The pivot did not happen the way I had imagined. Ironically, I managed to burn myself out instead. A part-time course load alongside a full-time teaching gig enhanced neither health nor quality of life. Once again, I went full-metal-jacket on an idea, attacking with unjustified fervor.

There was also the unfortunate incident at home. I lured Dave onto my comfy massage table, gently rolled up his pant leg, assured him he wouldn’t feel a thing and then proceeded to hit his peroneal nerve dead on. This caused his leg to involuntarily leap straight up in the air and Dave to howl like a pierced beast.

“Holy moly you have great reflexes!”, I complimented him. “I think I know where the point is now, let’s give it another go.”

Dave’s involuntary leg kick and his leap of the table are the quickest movements I have ever seen him make. When Rumi runs from his harness and leash, I see eerie similarities.

Dave is convinced he has permanent nerve damage. I’m relieved that he wasn’t a paying/suing customer. We don’t talk about the incident much as he hasn’t regained his sense of humor or ability to absolve me just yet.

Alas, after two years of rigorous courses, exams, and a commitment that I realized I was unable to make, I licked my financial wounds and bruised ego, and left the program. As with many life events, there was a silver lining: instead of becoming a practitioner, I learned a key concept that changed my life and this is what led me to leave full-time teaching a few years later.

*Life Energy – Qi/Chi (“chee”)

*interpreted to the best of my ability

The concept of Qi is the foundation upon which Chinese Medicine lies. It is our life force, invisible and known only by its effects. All body functions are manifestations of Qi. All animate forms in nature are manifestations of Qi. The human body has streams of Qi constantly moving and swirling within; any blockage/stagnation/imbalance, caused by a host of internal/external factors, will eventually cause dis-ease (stress being a major one). Do your best to live in balance and harmony with all things (thus balancing yin/yang forces) and there is a good chance your Qi will be hunky-dory as well.

Pre-Heaven Essence

Genes are widely understood these days, but roughly 2200 years ago, Chinese Medicine nailed concepts that are remarkably similar to scientifically proven facts of today (consider also how closely the ancient energy centers of the Chakras correlate to our modern, medical equivalent: the endocrine system).

Chinese Medicine teaches that we all begin life from different health starting points. “Pre-Heaven Essence” inherited from our parents is irrefutable and unchangeable according to TCM principles: you get what you get, honor and care for this gift so your Essence does not evaporate before its time.

Before birth we are gifted this Essence. It is only after birth that we are able to form Qi. From a TCM expert tome:

Pre-Heaven Essence is what determines each person’s basic constitutional make-up, strength, and vitality….since it is inherited from the parents at conception, the Pre-Heaven Essence can only be influenced with difficulty in the course of adult life. Some say this Essence is “fixed” in quantity and quality…The best way to positively affect one’s Pre-Heaven Essence is by striving for balance in one’s life activities: balance between work and rest, restraint in sexual activity and a balanced diet. Any excess in these spheres is bound to diminish the Essence.

The Foundations of Chinese Medicine, 2nd Edition. Giovanni Maciocia

During one particular acupuncture class, as the teacher lectured on this point, the information made me sit up straight and want to curl into the fetal position at the same time. The older guy in front of me, who looked like he had enjoyed a lifetime of fun via sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll, got up and and left. I think we were all recounting the ways in which we had stupidly depleted our Qi and Essence in our teens and beyond. I blame the 80s. And early 90s. And the ability to make passable fake I.D with a photocopy and those peel and stick numbers.

After Birth, It’s on Us to Produce Qi

Parents can only do so much for us. After birth, everything we do creates or depletes Qi. This energy is finite and precious. Once squandered, it cannot be recouped. The food we eat, the stress levels we carry, our thoughts and actions all affect our Qi.

If our unique Pre-Heaven Essence is fixed in nature, then our ability to create Qi must also be unique. Someone with a robust constitution and great genes can produce a lot of Qi in their lifetime, but they are at risk of depleting it from workaholic behavior, which many high energy people are prone.

Someone with a weaker constitution may not be able to produce the same amount of Qi, but they can conserve what they have by listening to their body and heeding warning signs to slow down or make changes.

I fall into the latter category. I always wanted to join Camp Robust and often acted like a participant, but I failed to keep up with others whose Qi was stronger and thus not depleted at the same speed as mine.

Know Thyself, and To Thine Own Self Be True

Comparing ourselves to others is futile for many reasons, more so once Qi is understood. It is impossible to know another’s ‘Essence’ starting point, their ability to produce Qi, and their life force reserves. I often felt guilty about the amount of sick time I took when teaching as I picked up whatever virus was floating around. I look back and wish I could reclaim all of that wasted energy. It also makes me judge others far less harshly. We can’t all run around the track of life at top speed, accomplishing grand things.

We often talk about how something or someone will ‘replenish’ or ‘deplete’ our energy and assume this in figurative terms. But it is real in the literal sense: if we only have the ability to produce a finite amount of Qi, then only we can determine how and on whom to ‘spend’ this precious life force.

Every time I see Rumi collapse for another nap (up to 17 hours a day) I see he appreciates the precious and finite nature of energy and spends it wisely (all of his basic needs are met and he has no mortgage to consider, but his naps still serve a valid point).

So next time you find yourself thinking in terms of “I really should do…”, take a moment to honor the Qi that you work hard to produce every day, just like each dollar you work hard to earn, and consider if it is how you want to spend that effort-filled, finite resource.

Learning about Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine gave me permission to acknowledge my unique constitution and make necessary changes. It also gave Dave permission to think twice before being my guinea pig for anything. I hope it allows you to think about your own energy supplies and operate from the compassionate ground of energy conservation.